Explicit Actions Call For Explicit Words

Caution: Some language used in the following post may be offensive to some; it is a true scenario with the actual words spoken shared via this blog. No children or adults were harmed in the making of this story. But it is all true.

Paying bills is just above renewing my license on my list of things I could live without having to do more than once during my lifetime. Excitement during both of these processes usually isn't very exciting, typically more depressing than anything.

Now the fun begins. In the midst of writing the date on the check for the water bill (you will see the ironic twist at the end of the story) all I hear coming from the living room is...

"Oh my, he is shitting on the floor." Exact words from the pure mouth of my sweet wife, no paraphrasing or exaggeration. True words could not have been spoken better.

As those words begin to filter through my ears and into my brain, my lack of excitement begins to dwindle as well. You see, no less than 5-minutes earlier, our little insta-pop-a-squat child used one of our NEW storage ottomans in the same manner a poodle might use a fire hydrant. As a place to ponder his distance - if you get what I mean.

Yes, in the span of five minutes my wonderful son managed to relieve himself TWICE in the middle of the living room.

I think we may let him air dry in front of a hair dryer tomorrow after bath time.